To Life, To Life, L’chaim!

My “digital pen” has been dormant for months. I’m missing my connection with all of you and look forward to getting back into a regular writing groove.

A large part of my silence has been website issues, making me hesitant to post. Happily, I think those are now behind me, following a major upgrade to hack-proof my website as well as make it function better on all sizes of devices. It’s been quite an education, to say the least.

This morning*, however, my thoughts turn to the title of a wonderful little book by Ezra Bayda, Saying Yes to Life (Even the Hard Parts), because today is an anniversary of sorts for me, eliciting poignant memories of a “hard part”. Ten years ago today my beloved husband got the diagnosis that would lead to his passing only thirteen days later. I don’t live in the past, yet somehow anniversaries – even the hard ones – are remembered in our very bodies, asking for our quiet acknowledgment, and offering us a gift of sorts in return if we are honest enough to own up to what we are feeling.

Even now, ten years later, I am acutely aware of what I lost. But I am also aware of gains: how far I’ve come, and how much I have learned. I’m grateful that somehow I am able to be aware of ongoing grace, of new paths, new friends, new opportunities, and new insights. I can’t know what trajectory my life might have taken, had things gone differently. But I can be grateful for the abundant blessings that have somehow sustained me, inch by inch, yard by yard.

And so I say “yes to life”, hard parts and all. I cultivate trust, reminding myself that there is One who knows far better than I do what my path should be. And so, as I mark this poignant day, I feel not only a measure of nostalgia, but also a quiet undergirding of peace and serenity. There is so much that we cannot know – but we can stand up in face of it all, with thankful hearts, and say “To Life, to Life, L’chaim!”

* (Well, it was “this morning”, until yet another computer glitch delayed the actually posting. If noting an anniversary, it’s important to note it correctly. This post was written on August 4, 2017.)